Reality

Life has a way of letting us know what's realistic and what's not. When they say if it's too good to be true it most likely is...I can't even begin to tell you how true this saying is. If you ever thought that there could be an exception to this rule then just wait for the bi$@& slap reality is getting ready to give you! there are people destined for happiness and there are people who are destined to be an example of everything in life that sucks so be thankful it's not you. People who say we control our own happiness has never spent long amounts of time alone, unloved, etc. I'm hilarious and the conversations that run through my head are pretty darn funny but after so long it's no where near the same.

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Since I started this blog so many things have happened in my life. It's been full of ups and a lot of downs. I wish I knew where the girl was that started this blog! I look back through posts on here and posts on facebook and I have no idea where that version of me is. How can someone change so much in such a short amount of time? I used to be so happy,bubbly,cheerful, etc. Now I am bitter, sad, alone, miserable, I honestly don't know how else to put it. People who say life is what you make of it has obviously never been done really really wrong. How are you supposed to make the best out of a really crappy situation? This isn't a pity party it's simply the truth...I mean nothing to no one. Well maybe my kids and my mom. My oldest son doesn't even come to see me any more, the other three could honestly care less and I know they "love" me, same with my mom. Someone pointed out to me a week or so ago after I made a statement that basically my life seemed sad. I made the statement that I went to another cell phone provider because my phone didn't work inside where I work. Basically that's the only time anyone really needs to be able to get a hold of me. Outside of work I really don't ever talk to anyone. I dont date, all of my friends are married and have families, and when I don't have my kids I never go anywhere. I sit at the house alone. I really haven't even made an effort to "get back out there". I am lonely but I don't know that I could handle getting hurt again. Wow, that is pretty sad. This is what my life has become. I am a 36 yr old single, mother of 4, who is lonely, alone, and apparently unlovabl..... Oh well thank God I have chocolate to help me get through, and butter so I can grease my a$$ up to get through the doorway when I emotionally eat! Lol