Oh the choices we have to make!!!

When thinking about spending the rest of your life someone choose carefully for they have the potential to always be part of your life! When I was growing up I never heard my parents fight. Does that mean that they didn't? Absolutely not!However, they had a very happy, loving marriage until my father passed away. At 18 I had lost my father. Unfortunately I took that time to marry my boyfriend of a whole month and two days. I know what your thinking... holy crap she married someone that she did not even know...yes I did. I thought all marriages were the same.I automatically assumed that my marriage would be perfect because after all my parents was. For the first little bit it was perfect. Then I started getting very sick and had no clue what was going on. I really had convinced myself that I had diabetes.HAHAHAHA boy was I wrong. I found out that I was a little over 3 months pregnant. At this point we had been married for close to a year. Oh did I mention he was in the Navy and we were 600 miles away from home. I didn't have my mom or family and neither did he. It was just the two of us there. That January I was still so sick I couldn't get up to get to the bathroom and I required help to take a shower. I went to the doctor and they started trying different nausea medications and nada. A couple of weeks later I had lost 29lbs and was so sick they admitted me to the hospital to rehydrate me and try to get the Hyperemesis under control. After staying for two weeks by myself they put a central line in. I had spent two weeks ALONE in a hospital 600 miles away from home so no mom and I was 19. And while I was in there I found out that I was expecting a beautiful boy. The point of that story is that I never thought that he wouldn't be there to take care of me. In our vows it said in sickness and health. Then I was shipped back home because the central line required TPN for 12 hours every night. The line was in my arm so I couldn't do it myself. I remember thinking to myself how did I go from a girl driven to make something of herself to married, pregnant, and all alone. July 24th 1999 I welcomed James Dawson Dagley into the world. He was absolutely amazing and worth that 36 hours of hard, agonizing labor. After that life wasn't the same. You know how they say a baby changes everything? Well it does in more ways than one. I had days of no sleep,struggling to make it financially, struggling because my mom wasn't there all of the time,a lot of responsibility that I didn't expect, and a strain on our relationship. With each child we grew a little further apart. I have 4 children and have miscarried 5. Having a miscarriage screws with your head majorly. The miscarriage I encountered in 2008 made me decide to finish school and try to make something out of myself. I worked all night and went to school all day while taking care of my kids, not getting much sleep, and trying to keep a strained marriage in tact. That miscarriage made me realize a lot! I wasn't happy anymore. For those of you who know me and know this story this is when I was accused of cheating. Honestly, I NEVER CHEATED!!! However, I had a husband who WOULD NOT believe that for anything. I started school August 2008 and graduated July 2009 with my Associate of Science Degree in Teaching. That was a major accomplishment for me!! I started the 2 + 2 program with TTU that August. Things went so far down here from there on after and by the end of December I left and he had filed for divorce. All I could think about was how I had let my children down. I struggled with that feeling of being so inadequate and like such a failure. My kids were the ones who were cheated not me and not him! He moved on a few weeks after I left. I waited a little while. I don't know the man that I divorced! He wasn't the same man that I married and won't ever be! I never thought that things would change that much! I went from an 18 year old girl who was head over heels in love to a 30 year old divorcee. Not how I pictured my life going. You can't control people only yourself. You can't change others only yourself. Not many marriages are that beautiful once upon a time happily ever after. All marriages require work from both parties and when one doesn't the other one isn't strong enough to hold both in the road. And if you already have a rocky relationship getting married isn't going to fix it. If your relationship is already rocky then most likely your marriage will fail. People do not honor the sanctity of marriage anymore. It is a sacred vow before God, in front of friends and family for the rest of your life!