This is going to be a sad blog. I have had to think about the what if's all of my adult life. When I was 18 my dad who was only 45 passed away. I have often wondered what he would say to me if he could come back for a short time period. Maybe there was something that he really needed to tell me or maybe he would just want to simply say "I Love You". Unfortunately I will never know. Given some recent news I don't ever want my kids or my family to wonder that so these are the things that I want them to know.
To my mother: I hope that you know that you have been the best mother that anyone could ever ask for! I have always looked up to you and hoped that I could be atleast half the mother that you are! You raised me to be a strong, independent woman and I appreciate that everyday. You have been there with me through thick and thin and you will never know how much that means to me! And I love you so much!
To my brother and sister: I love you guys! Jay, I am so proud of you for the man that you have turned out to be. Amber, I am amazed at the amazing mother that you are. I don't know how you have done especially since you were so young when Car was born. With that being said mom will never love you all as much as she does me! LOL
To my stepdad: You are an amazing man! I really do love you and I thank God for you more than you will ever know! You have been so good to me and my kids and I appreciate that so much!
To my mother and father in law: You guys have taken me in and made me and my kids a part of your family and that means the world to me! I couldn't ask to have married into a better family!!! I appreciate everything that you guys have done for us!
To my amazing husband: This is the hard part! I love you more than I have ever loved anyone in my whole entire life! I know we have had our ups and our downs but we have stayed strong and made it through all of it! You have been good to me and to my kids! I thank God alot that I found you because I couldn't imagine what life would be like without you! I have never felt so loved by one person before and I don't ever want to be without you! I would also like to thank you for your mid life crisis! He is the most precious baby and you both bring joy to my life everyday!
To Dawson, Abbey, and Gracey: I want to start out by apologizing. I know it was so hard for you guys to understand why mom and dad weren't going to be together anymore and I am so sorry that I couldn't make that work! I know I fuss at you all but I love you all with all of my heart! Dawson, I am so proud of you! You have your moments but for the most part you have always just rolled with the punches and never used the excuse that there was something wrong with you! Abbey, you act just like me!!! I don't really know what I would do without you!!! You are such a great kid and I hope as you grow up you stay that way!!! Your smart and beautiful and you have so much going for you so don't ever forget that! Gracey, wow your a hand full and always have been but you have been worth it all! I hope as you grow up you realize that you can't pitch fits to get your way! With that being said you are quite funny and have made me laugh a lot over the years! I hope that all three of you guys know that you mean the world to me!!! I will never forget the day that I found out that I was pregnant with each one of you, the first time I heard your heartbeat, the first time I felt you kick, and the first time that I met you! I'm crying just sitting here thinking about it! I love you guys so much! As you grow up and get older I want you to know that I pushed myself to make something of myself not just for me but for you all too! I wanted you guys to know that no matter what happens in life if you are determined enough you can do whatever you set your mind to do! And whatever you decide to do or be in life please just be the best that you can possibly be.
To Stanton D: Wow you were a big surprise but a wonderful surprise! I thought that after I got divorced that I was done having babies but apparently God had another plan for me that included you, your dad, Hannah, and Lauren and boy I sure do thank him for that! I remember when the doctor told me that I was pregnant with you! Man I was so scared but the first ultrasound I heard your heartbeat I felt so much better! I remember seeing you on those ultrasounds and for some reason you were always sucking your thumb! I should have known then that you were gonna be a hungry baby! lol. I couldn't and don't want to imagine what my life would be like without you! You and your siblings bring me so much joy and happiness! I love being a mother to all of you!!!!
To Hannah and Lauren: I couldn't ask for better stepdaughters!!! You two are great kids! I was scared about becoming your stepmom!! I have always tried to be fair and never make a difference between you all and my kids! Lauren, you tickle me to death. You are such a funny and happy kid and I love being around you! Hannah, you speak your mind and I love that you are so comfortable with yourself that you can do that! You are both very intelligent and beautiful girls and I hope I am around to watch you all grow up but if not just know that I love you guys too!!!
We may be a big family but I love every minute of it.
I am not perfect and I have never claimed to be. I have made mistakes in my life that I regret and I just hope that those people can find it in their heart to forgive me! Hopefully noone will ever have to read the individual letters that I have written but if you do...just know that I loved all of you with all of my heart. To Allen and Stanton please don't ever let my kids forget me! Always let them know how much I loved them and that most of the things I did, I did because I loved them! Encourage them to do whatever their heart desires and let them spread their wings! And whatever you do just enjoy them because you may not be around forever and they may not either! I just needed to say all of this just in case but hopefully everything will be okay!
